Mood:  down

We came in last night and found out that the doctor from Vanderbilt had called yesterday morning to talk to us about Jacob's genetic testing results. By the time we got the message it was too late to call. We got up early this morning only to find out she was in clinicals all day. Finally she called around four this afternoon.

It seems that the testing came back that a part of Jacob's ninth chromosome is missing and that there was an increased level of amino acids. She told us that this was not her specialty, and she was sending us to another genetic specialist that could explain it better and answer our questions. She explained that they would probably want to do genetic testing on Sarah and I as well and that they would call next week to set up an appointment.

So, we continue to wait with mixed emotions. The "I want an answer now" side of me has been searching on the computer trying to figure out what it could all mean. The search has fluctuated between really scary and not quite as scary but still not fun. I really don't know what to think. All I know is that there is something wrong with my little boy and it doesn't look like it's going to be an easy fix. I'm scared and I hurt and I just want it to go away.

I'm fighting the urge to not yell at God and ask "Why? Why again!" When Jacob was born we thought that perhaps we were finally going to have a regular, normal, child. It's not that we don't love John Allen or Joshua, but we have seen what cancer did to John Allen, and what being on the autism spectrum has done to Joshua. We just wanted a child who didn't have to suffer. We wanted a child who didn't have to worry about only having one eye and having no depth perception. We desired a child who wouldn't have problems with social skills. Who wouldn't do something not normal and then cry because he doesn't understand why his friends are rejecting him. We just wanted a normal child.

Now, however, we know that we don't have a normal child and we hurt for him. We have been down this path before I guess, but that doesn't make it any easier on us or on our family.

And so we wait. We wait on yet another phone call and another doctor's visit. We search the internet for answers when we really shouldn't because it really does no good. We blame ourselves even though we don't know why. We cry. And we wait. I hate waiting. I hate seeing my child in pain. I hate feeling helpless. I hate getting mad at God. I hate feeling empty inside. I hate snapping at people because I'm stressed.

I just hate the whole thing. But I know that I have to go through it. For my child, for my family and for myself. I'm not really mad at God. God is my hope and my salvation. I hope soon that we can get back to normal - whatever normal is. Until then, please pray for us and for our family. We'll be OK. It's just one of those days. I'm just feeling a little down this evening.

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Mood:  happy

Yep! Call us crazy, but we've up and done it again!

The other day I was talking to Sarah and said, "Can we afford to sponsor another Compassion child?". Her response was, "If you go out and raise some support then we can." I thought for a minute and then replied "Can we at least have another correspondence child?". Well, needless to say she agreed with that, so I made a call to Compassion to be put on the waiting list for a correspondence child. 

A correspondence child is a Compassion International child who is sponsored, but has no one that is writing to them. Often a company will just donate a block of money to sponsor so many kids, but they don't want to take on the responsibility of writing to those children. Or, an individual may want to sponsor but is unable for some reason to write to that child. That's where correspondence sponsors come in. Writing is a big part of Compassion International's plan. Many times the sponsor is the only one that expresses their love to that child, or who is a Christian mentor to that child.

Usually it takes a couple weeks to a few months for a person to get a Correspondence child, so I wasn't expecting a child yet. However, when I checked my account on the Compassion website today, lo and behold, Ismael was there!

Ismael Jose Arias Narvaez to be exact! He is five years old and is from Nicaragua. God knew what he was doing. We have Marcelo (Bolivia) and Feyber (Colombia) who are about John Allen's age, Somi (Indonesia) who is Joshua's age, Emmanuel (18 from Tanzania) who is like an older brother to the boys, and now Ismael who is around Jacob's age. 

We are so excited to have another Compassion International son. Whenever we get one, the boys always crowd around the computer to see their new brothers picture and hear all about them. Ismael lives with his grandparents. His grandfather works but the grandmother does not. The average monthly income in Nicaragua is just $86 a month! Can you imagine?

Please pray with us as we begin to write to little Ismael. Pray that if he is not a Christian, that somehow through our letters and the work of Compassion he will learn about the Lord. And, while you're saying a prayer, pray that we can raise more support so that we can better help the folks that we work with at Good News Mission, and perhaps even sponsor another child .

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Mood:  incredulous

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Mood:  not sure

"Sometimes I would like to ask God why He allows poverty, suffering and injustice when He could do something about it." ~ "Well, why don't you ask Him?" ~ "Because I'm afraid He would ask me the same question." ~ Anonymous

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Mood:  a-ok

Sometimes, however, the outside just isn't possible. There are rainy days even in the summer, and there are always some days, albeit rare, when the kids just don't feel like going out. For those days, have I got a deal for you!

Do you remember the review I did for Mathscore some months ago? Here's the link to it just in case. Anyway, the great people at Mathscore are experimenting with something new - a $5.95/month for the first child promotion! Usually they charge $14.95 a month, so this is almost 1/3 their normal fee!

The even neater (is that a word?) thing is that they have only selected certain homeschool product blog reviewers to promote this offer with and yours truly was one of them. You won't find this offer on their website, you can only access it by using this special link - http://www.mathscore.com/home/signUp.php?ccode=blog595

As far as I know, this offer will even keep going after summer is over, but just in case, you'd better not wait to take advantage! Have a great summer!

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