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Mood:
not sureTopic: Family
I remember when I was young. I thought that my parents would be around forever. I remember thinking that I hope I die before my parents do because I didn't think that I would be able to cope if something happened to them. Then I became independent, and later I married. Still, though, I planned on my parents living way up until their nineties. I wanted them to be around to watch my children grow up.
Then, my dad died at the age of 77 a month after 9/11. My life wouldn't be the same again. It's funny how you dream of doing things with your kids that you did when you were younger. I dreamed of going on vacations that included my whole family - my mom and my dad, my brother and sister-in-law, my sister and her family. I soon realized that I couldn't relive the memories that I had as a youth. I would have to create new memories with my wife and children.
A few years later, my brother-in-law passed away and then, a year later, my brother. At about that same time, my mother had a stroke while visiting my sister and is now in a nursing home in NJ. Now three people that I remember being around all of my life were gone (I'm the youngest and my sister got married when I was six) and one was in a nursing home - all within the span of six years.
Now some of our memories consist of visiting my sister, my nephew and my mom two or three times a year. We are presently on one of those trips. Yesterday I went to see my mom. We had just been to visit a few months back and mom seemed OK. I have spoken to her a few times since, and my sister keeps me updated as to how mom is doing, but I wasn't expecting what happened. When I walked in and sat down beside her, she seemed pleasant, but I could tell something wasn't right. As our time together progressed, I realized what it was. She didn't recognize me. I talked of the kids and our trip up, but she didn't know who I was.
Later, I asked if she had been reading. She had always been an avid reader, but there was no book sitting beside her bed. I found some books in a drawer, pulled one out and set it on her nightstand. I turned to talk with her room mate, and to my surprise, when I turned back around Mom was reading the book. My excitement waned, though, when I saw that she was reading page 75. There was no way that she could have gotten there that quickly. I asked her what it was about she smiled and said "Oh, you would like it.". When I pressed her again she looked at the title and said "It's about Patricia". Patricia was the name of the book.
Tomorrow we are all going to visit. We'll see if she recognizes the whole family. Carol sees her several times a week, and to her the changes may be slight, but to me, at least on that day, they were very evident.
I thank God for my parents, and the years that I had with Dad and still have with Mom. But, it is still hard when you watch your parent age. Mom is now 88 years old. It is difficult to imagine not having her around, but it is becoming very apparent that the time will come. Perhaps having Mom not present mentally is God's way of preparing me for not having her here physically. I think I am prepared for it now, but maybe you never really are. Time will tell.
Thank you, Lord, for my mother. Please be with her while she is on earth just as I know you will be with her in Heaven. Thank you for the time on earth that I have had with my parents. I thank you for the lessons that they taught to me and the legacy that they have left for me. Please prepare my heart and mind for the day that you will choose to take my mother home to be with you. I know that when you do, she will be free from pain, free from mental loss, she will be perfect and whole. Thank you for providing a way that we can someday live in Heaven with you.
Amen
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